Lanarizzle fo shizzle dizzle

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 06:10:54 GMT

Oh and I forgot to mention that one year ago from last night was when I made my decision to come to SMU....MUSTANG DAYS!! Jordie, Clay and Kelly was a year ago....IT'S TIME FOR A REUNION!!! =)
Goodnight....again....=)

*~P.S.- The X-factor has got the letter....more to come....~*

Boring Satruday night

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 05:56:54 GMT

I had so much fun last night! I had a very eventful morning, even with my Advertising class being cancelled. I went to spanish, worked out, showered/straightened my hair, and read 3 news articles for J-Brad, all before heading to Rhetoric by noon. DAMN I'M A TALENTED GIRL!! I just chilled the rest of the afternoon, which was SO nice! I caught up with Carmel for a little bit, and then headed to Cheesecake Factory w/ Greer, Robyn, and Shea. We all came back and dressed ourselves up as Rednecks and headed over to the Lambda Chi house. It was awsome!! We drank/chilled there for a couple of hours with Sloane, Kate, and Olivia as well, then got on the bus and went to the party. The party was at a really small club, so we came back to campus and got on the SAE bus, but everyone told us that sucked too, so Robyn and I went to Kappa Sig. We then went to some guy's apartmen until about 2:30 when I got really tired and drove back to campus. I had so much fun though! Today I hung poolside with Robyn and Shea and got a nice little tan starting to form....YAY! I'm on my way to blackness again!!!! Woohoo!! We were talking about how we CAN NOT WAIT until summer!! It's gonna be weird living at home though. I'll probably be sick of it after a few weeks. Kinda will be nice to see my bro though, since we have hardly talked since I left for school. Come to think of it, since I was about 10. Hmmm....Well, I'm off to bed b/c I start Sunday School teaching tomorrow! YAY!!!!!!!!!! I've missed this SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 08:21:17 GMT

*LOVE, SEX AND ROMANCE QUIZ*
Name:	Lanae
Birthdate:	01/06/1986
Hair:	Brown
Eyes:	Brown
Height:	5'3''
Gender:	Female
How many true relationships have you had?:	2
Have you ever been in love?:	Yes
What's your idea of a perfect date?:	Guy picks me up, we have a nice dinner, movie, and a long walk/talk
Where's your favorite place to be kissed?:	On my neck
How many sexual partners have you had?:	Next question
How many people have you kissed?:	5....Got to college only kissing 1 though
Do you like to make the first move?:	Not especailly, but I'll do it
Are you a snuggler?:	YES!!
Do you kiss on the first date?:	No, I think first kisses are VERY special
Where is the best place you've ever hooked up?:	In the back of a H2
Do you consider yourself to be romantic?:	Yes
Are you an angel or a devil in the sack?:	I would think angel
Would you ever pay someone for sex?:	Hell no
Would you ever let someone pay YOU for sex?:	Hell no
Do you keep your eyes open when you kiss?:	I have before just to see what the other person is doing (I only do this the first few times I kiss someone I actually like)
What was your most embarrassing sexual moment?:	I thought my ex boyfriend's penis was a gatorade bottle....don't ask....
Have your parents ever caught you in a compromising position?:	Ugh no
Have you ever performed a striptease?:	Yes
How about a lapdance?:	No
Have you ever received a lapdance?:	No
Do you like sexual contact?:	Yes
Are you straight, gay or bi?:	STRAIGHT
Have you ever made out with a member of the opposite sex?:	Yes
Are you a giver or a taker?:	I think it's gotta be 50/50
What do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?:	Makes me smile and laugh, feel comfortable, and someone that wants to be with me no matter what
Do you think you've met the person you'll spend the rest of your life with?:	Probably not
Do you know who your bridesmaids and groomsmen would be?:	I think 6 or 8 of each is a nice round number
Have you ever regretted a hook-up?:	Yes
Have you ever cheated on a significant other?:	Yes....I regret it though
Have you ever hooked-up with someone already in a relationship?:	No
Have you ever cried over a member of the opposite sex?:	Too many times....damn bastards!!
Have you ever had your heart broken?:	Yes
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?:	No
Would you date or marry someone if your parents didn't accept them?:	Yes....they should accept them if I do
How about if your friends didn't accept them?:	Same as above
What's the worst relationship you ever had?:	They were both good for the time being
Have you ever done anything sexual while on the road?:	Once
Would you kiss someone if you didn't love them?:	I used to say I never would, but things obviously changed....
Who told you all about sex?:	Cochise Elementary School...GOOOOOOO BOBCATS!!
Are you always horny?:	Around my period for shizzle
Are you a flirt?:	Yes
Are you a tease?:	I guess it depends, but I don't think so for the most part
Do you prefer to chase or BE chased?:	To be chased
Do you prefer morning or evening hook-ups?:	Evening
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter with a member of the opposite sex, and woke up in each others arms?:	Yes
How old were you at the age of your first kiss?:	14
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:
Do you sometimes wish you could change that?:
Do you enjoy being in a relationship?:	Yes but being single is great so you can be with yourself and your friends
Have anyone ever fallen in love with you?:	Yes
Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?:	No
Are you "noisy" when you get heated?:	Eh.....
What is your kissing pet peeve?:	Licking...Hate it
Do you think you're a good kisser?:	Yes....I've heard I am =)
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

So take a look at me now....

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 23:45:33 GMT

I love that Phil Collins song from Against All Odds...fab-u-lo-so as Sra. Atkinson would say! So let's re-cap the weekend, shall we? Thursday night I went out with Dani, Robyn, A-Litton dawg, and some of their DG sisters. It was alrighty...I'm out of the drinking mood again, so I appointed myself Designated Dave for the evening. I would've def. had more fun had there been cute boys or some alcohol involved. I get in these moods where I don't want to drink, and sometimes they are because of Uncle Spyke. I know that I will never get that bad, but I almost feel like I'm making the wrong choice by drinking. I feel bad sometimes b/c my friends here would prefer me to drink, but most of the time I just don't want to because of that or another reason. I have had my fun though. Then Friday night I went to see Hairspray (3rd time baybee!!) with Olivia and two of her friends. Can I just say that I'm not a huge fan of musicals, but this is the BEST play EVER created!!!!! It was def. not as good as it was when I saw it on Broadway, but it was still good. I love the music...I sat there and danced and sang along, so fun!! After that, I went to see the new Ashton Kutcher/Bernie Mac movie with this guy who is SO cute named Mike. I have a crush on him since I first saw him, so I was happy to hang out with him! On Saturday, Robyn and I went apartment shopping and found this AMAZING place a few minutes from campus. It's so modern and beautiful. I hope we get it....we are both keeping our fingers crossed!! That night I babysat....made some money which was neat. Today Robyn's parents took us to Bagelstein's (yay Jew food!!) and I worked out and am procrastinating on my J-Brad paper. I wish Dani took her this semester too =(
Speaking of Dani, she "inspired" me to write a letter to Jeff. She wrote this really nice letter to this boy who she loves, and I've only written Jeff "I'm sorry for fucking up" letters. I can't believe it has almost been a year since we broke up. I cried when I wrote it. I feel so grown up since last year. I too now realize that being committed for the rest of your life (practically- I felt like going to school together kinda meant a future together) at 18 is weird. College is a time to have fun, build your own character and get to know yourself while making life long friends. I can not imagine being tied down like that at this age. I've always said, "If it's meant to be, it will be." Dani, I hope you remember that too my sexy darling. You have made me realize that I am not over him. This sucks cock because I wish I could be, I want to, but I'm not. And everytime my friends from back home bring it up too, it gets me "thinking." I'll keep everyone updated (b/c I know so many people care...haha) Whatever, this is my place to reflect! =)
Changing the subject, I'm going home 3 weeks from Friday to help with a golf tournament dedicated to Uncle Spyke. They are raising money for Sojourner's Center and Boys and Girls Club of Metropolitan Phoenix, and I wanted to help. It's also Passover that weekend, so it worked out pretty well for me. I really want to get more involved with his charities for him, plus it would make me feel like such a better person. I'm so glad to help out. I know he would be so proud and happy that this was going to help. Death is such a tragic thing, but look at how some good can come of it....we are raising money to help out underprivelaged children. It would be awsome if anyone would want to donate money, as I'm trying to collect for donations. If interested, the website is:
http://www.sojournercenter.org/events/jamie.asp
The golf tournament is called Jamie's Friends Gold Tournament. Anything would be greatly appreciated! I went out to his grave and cried and cried and talked to him over break. It's so theraputic for me. Live life to the fullest everyone!!

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 03:58:39 GMT

Soooo, I got home last night from a fucking GREAT spring break baby! I suprised Elizabeth w/ Jordan in LA, and we went to the beach, shopped, dined with the stars, etc...it was AWSOME! I then went home for a little bit, and returned to SMU last nite. I've been reading Chappy peeps posts, and I feel the same way a lot of them do. I think it's because my life (in my opinion) was SO perfect last year, even too perfect. Then, when things changed, I got depressed and upset. I'm a pretty happy go lucky person, but when I'm alone, I "think" and "reflect" on everything. High School friends and college friends are so different. I went to school with some of the same people since elementary school,most of my middle school, and then by high school, everyone knew everyone else's business. But when I think back to Freshman year, I hated it. Sophomore year got a little better, I loved Junior year, and Senior year was A-fucking-Mazing!! I bet that's how college is going to go too. I was so used to everything happening the same way at the same time everyday. I do not fair well with change. I miss going to coffee bean. I miss Oregano's. I miss everyone knowing my business, whether I wanted them to or not. What to do next year is the big question that lays heavily on my mind. I like it here, but I miss home. Education wise, I think I should stay put, however, for my personal well being, home may be the answer (by home, I mean living w/ Stacy next year and going to ASU). I just don't know how much longer I can take being here seeing "him" all of the time and being away from familiar things. If anyone has some suggestions, please help!!

Woah

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 01:38:32 GMT

Ok, so I've been really really stressed out lately due to a certain incident (only a very select few people know about this). It's nothing I personally did, but someone who I care about and love very much. I really only like to talk about it with my best friends from home and my mommy (yes, I just said mommy! Sometimes, people change. This statement is true, but do you think that when they change, they think about hurting others or causing turmoil to others due to a bunch of stupid decisions that they make? I believe that people change due to something in the past. Whether it be a way that they were treated, had, or did not have, something occurred to them to change. College has changed some of my friends. I still feel like I treat people the same and act the same towards everyone. Obviously, some personal things have changed, and that has a lot to do with the person who I am today. I know I was happier a year ago, and life could be better, but almost always in our life, can't we say that? I think so! I was so stressed that I go completely shit faced last nite....fun times. However, I told this guy who I think is adorable and have a tiny crush on that I think he's hot and wanted to make out with him. Whatever, getting tanked was what I needed last nite to make me feel better. It temporarily helped. I've been stressed with school, and now this. V-day is in one week away, and plans must be made!!!!

Upset

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 20:57:20 GMT

Ok, it's times like these that w/o LJ, I'd go nutz! I know people are going to read this, but I need to spill. I have broken heart...it's shattered into about a zillion pieces, and it needs mending. Being at school with someone you were in love with for such a long time is beyond difficult. I can not even describe the feeling I get everytime I see it, and now, it has gotten worse. The funny thing is we are speaking a little more than we did last semester. It sucked having a birthday without him celebrating with me this year, and after it, I wrote him a really heartfelt email. I told him I had moved on (meaning from the angry feelings) and told him how I felt. Now, I've been seeing him around campus with a girl. I do not know who she is, but everytime I look at her, I go, "That was me." It hurts so much. And to make matters worse, my suitemate came into my room last night with a huge grin on her face and said, "I just saw Jeff walking with a girl and he was holding her umbrella and it was really cute and sweet." Who the says that to someone? I got really really upset and angry. I guess I had every right to?! I thought I could handle it, but it's hard to because everytime I see her, I see me in a different body with a different face. For all I know, she could be a great girl, but no matter what, I won't like her. I guess that's human nature. It's not even that I won't like her, just I feel as if she's my "replacement." I'm hurting....BAD. It's times like these that I need my familiarities from home (Jordan, Elizabeth, and my mom). Love hurts so badly. I don't think he would ever do anything to deliberately hurt me, and I only want the best for him. He deserves the best kind of girl out there, and maybe that's not me anymore. Maybe it's her, maybe not. Besides this, I got into a fight with two of my friends b/c the prank called Chad and I and now he won't talk to me. I don't like that he won't talk to me anyways. Chad is such a nice guy, and I do not blame him for not talking to me. I had nothing to do with whatever went on. I just feel like everyone is kinda ganging up on me now. I miss him too. He was really good to me, and I feel bad that things are not working out. If I could tell him anything, I'd just let him know that I don't know what happened between us, but I wish there was a way to fix it and atleast be friends. I hate this "pretending like we don't see eachother" crap. I do it too....I'm equally as guilty. I'm upset with my two friends because now he won't talk to me. It's just sad that the only two guys on this campus that I actually care about I'm having issues with. I hope I'm handling everything ok with everyone and that it's just we are not comfortable or something, and that it is not me. I don't know if that makes sense, but I know what I mean. My goals are to get everything worked out very soon with everyone. I don't think it's a good idea for me to be best buddies with either of these boys, but I do care about them. Boys control so much of girls' thoughts and emotions...they have no idea! I can't wait to see EB and Jordan AND my mom!! Ugh...SO SOON! Here's a toast that everything will be ok, and they will understand how/what I'm feeling. I care about them both and want the best for them....I guess I'm just feeling alone and guilty.

Carpe Diem Bitch

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 21:23:03 GMT

Ok, I'm majorly lacking with updates! I was so good in high school! Anywhoo, I finally booked up hotel for LA...YES JORDAN WE ARE GOING TO CHILL W/ THE CELEBRITITES!!!!! I can not wait! I can't say too much about it just in case a certain someone is going to read it....(I'll just stop right there!) I've found myself this week to be very stressed. Probably because this place scares the shit out of me. I mean, if I do bad on my advertising test, could my career in the future be at stake? I'm such a futuristic person, I never just "carpe diem" (I MISS HERRING!) I remember about a year ago, I was just chillin' at home, thinking about where I'd be next year, but at the same time, happy about where I was at. Part of me was not looking forward to graduating, and the other part was excited to meet new people. It's so weird to think that a year ago from this very second, I had no idea who a lot of the people I know now were. I was looking at Dani's prom pix. last night and finding it so weird how I had no clue she even existed back then. WEIRD! I need to live each day instead of planning ahead so much, I've always done that! I'm excited because my mom is coming for 5 days over President's Day Weekend. I can't wait for her to meet my friends and show her around now that I'm actually a student. My life has just changed so much over the last year. Last year at this time I was living in Arizona, working at Oregano's, spending time with CHS people and my family, and so relaxed. So why is everything so different now? I always wonder how life would be if I had one more year of HS with me or had gone to ASU. I guess every path leads you somewhere different in life, and you just have to go along with whatever is handed to you.

Blah

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 19:44:20 GMT

I'm sitting here bored out of my fucking mind right now b/c SMU is still asleep at 1:30!!! I want to get out and start the day!!!! Anywhoo, last weekend was the first weekend back and it was REALLY fun! Robyn organized a lil' bday party for me with Dani, Crystal, Carmel, JGO, Greer, and Sloane....WHAT A WILD NITE! We went to CPK and then this male stri club called La Bare!!! WOOHOO!!! I actually touched a Russian's abs!! It was great fun! After that, we went back to Shuttles and drank w/ Elzie and the girls and I actually smoked a cigarette for the first time...ew! I felt SO sick later on....I just tried it with D. We then headed out to the bars, and crashed. Also last weekend, I hooked up with this hottie in my dorm who plays Lacrosse!! YAY!!!! A lot of girls think he's hot too...not just me! It was good fun! He invited me to stay over, but I couldn't do it. I'm not THAT kind of a girl =)
It was really great to be with all of my SMU friends again, and made me realize that Scottsdale will always be my home and I can always go back, but this is a great opportunity for me to be here, and I need to take advantage of it and relax and live it up!!!! I've finally come to realize that I DO NOT need a boy to make me happy (although I hung out with another one last weekend too!!!) because I have some awsome girlies no matter what!!! And also, I can focus on the attention that they deserve!!! I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but I LOVE SMU!!!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY 2 ME!!!!!!!

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 05:31:48 GMT

Yes, today was my birthday....word to that homie g! I woke up and was greeted with a lawn full of fricken flamingos thanks to Elizabeth! I LOVE HER!!!! It was sooooo cute and funny! She then came over and we went to breakfast at Chomie's and met Mariss for Coffee at "the corner!" After that, Stacy, Brittney, Jordan, Kylie, Elizabeth, and I headed to Oregano's for some lunch action. It was really funny b/c all of my friends told the waitress it was my birthday, and when she took our drink orders, she asked 2 C my ID and I said, "For a Diet Pepsi?" and she said, "No, b/c I'm gonna give you a free something!" Hahaha it was funny....kinda had to be there though! I got some fun gifts, and then we headed for the Sugar Bowl. Oh wow, can I just say that this was the official Eatathon 2005 (hahaha Kylie!!)?! Then, I met up with my mommmy at home and we hung at Kierland and then went to dinner at Village Tavern with my fam and the g-parentals. I then came back and had Cold Stone and Cheesecake (Ok, it was my bday...diet starts tomorrow!) and opened gifts! HOORAY I GOT SEX AND THE CITY SEASON 6 PART 2 BIATCHES!!!!!!! I got some nice calls from SMU lovers and found out we got a new roomie named Jennifer. She better be cool, or I'll be pissed! Well lovers, I'm off to watch a DVD! I HEART BIRTHDAYS!!!!!!

Spa Day!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 05:31:17 GMT

So, today I went to the spa with Elizabeth! It was great! We steamed it up, got massages, hot tubbed it, showered, sauna, had lunch, etc! We even got special birthday treeeeats! YAY! Also, some cool inside jokes like Zen music, cold compress, birthday smoothie, etc. Oh I'm gonna miss that girl! Tomorrow, I'll be 19!!!!!!!!! WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIATCHES!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Year!

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 07:36:23 GMT

Ok, so I'm sooooooooo excited that 2005 has begun. 2004 needed to be over. I like how Lindsay reviewed her ups and downs of 2004, so I will too! Thanks for the inspiration my love!!!!!!

Highlights of 2004:

- My birthday when Jeff gave me my fav. earring that I have not taken out since he gave it to me, not to mention I got to ride in a limo with my girls that day (Prolly the BEST birthday EVER!!)
- NY with my mom for my birthday (Prolly best trip of my life)
- Being asked to prom the day before I left for NY cuz my lover knew I wanted to get my dress there...it was the CUTEST way
- Valentine's Day
- Falling in love for the first time
- Having Jeff as my boyfriend and sharing millions of everlasting amazing moments
- First kiss
- First whipped cream bikini contest
- Senior prom
- Being accepted to SMU
- Graduating from Chaparral
- Project Grad
- Mexican Cruise
- Meeting Jason
- Senior Breakfast
- Oregano's opening at Shea and Scottsdale Road
- Making new friends
- Dating a new person to realize life DOES go on
- Magic Mountain trip
- Spending the summer in Coronado
- 3 Clay Aiken concerts

Downs:

- Jeff and I breaking up
- Moving to Texas
- My friends who changed "because of college"
- Leaving Scottsdale
- Uncle Spyke dying
- Aunt Lenny dying
- Breaking my arm
- Developing serious health issues
- Missing Jeff
- Growing apart from the love of my life....

I was so depressed yesterday because I realized that it was going to be a new year, and he was "last years news." I know every entry is about him, but he was my life. I miss him so incredibly much. It just really hit me yesterday that I don't have him anymore, and I don't think I ever will again. I still am in love with him, even though he's not nice to me at all. I wish I was not feeling this way, because of him. He was my entire life. We were always together or on the phone or something. I never realized how much of my time he consumed. I had sooo much shit happen to me this year, and losing him and my uncle all in the same year was a really hard thing for me to deal with. Face it Lanae, you are still in love with him and need to deal with it. If I don't date for 5 years and the next guy I date is the man I'm going to marry, then I'd rather have it that way.I can't go through this again. I can't stand seeing how much of a different person he is since I stepped out of his life. It saddens me. I guess it's because he's "free." Jeff, if you are read this, please know that I still love you, and I'm sorry all of this shit has happend. I too miss you terribly, and your're right, it's so hard to be friends or in eachother's lives. It is for me because of how crazy I was about you before this change happend to you. We said no matter what we'd always love eachother, and I don't think I can ever stop. Once you "Take My Breath Away" it lasts forever.... I hope 2005 brings happiness and cheer all year long for all of my friends and family.

Back in AZ.!!

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 06:14:24 GMT

Ok, so I've been home for a little over a week. My trip was sooo amazing! We had the best time...saw the Producers, the tree, Rockefeller, shopped, ate, etc. We even missed our train and got stuck in the city, being forced to stay at my gay cousin's apartment with his boyfriend and their sex toys everywhere. Weird, I know. We had such a good time just being together, and I cried when I had to leave Jason. Ya know, being with him made me realize that I'm not ready for a relationship. I have still got some shit to deal with that my breakup has dealt me. It's going to take such a long time, but that's ok. If I don't have a boyfriend for the next 2 years, and then I meet and date the man I'm going to marry, that'd be perfect. I can't deal with this crap again. Jason is at such a different place in his life. He's applying to grad schools, and is almost done with college. He's such a great guy. His family was so warm and wonderful to me. I love being with that boy! After I got home, my friend Robyn from SMU came. She is seriously one of my favorite people to spend time with. She's so chill and sweet....gotta love it! We had so much fun! I also had a holiday fiesta with some friends. I made my famous popcorn cake and everyone brought treats and we did a gift exchange. It was fun having everyone together and talking and reminiscing about the past. We talked about prom forever....can't believe that was 8 months ago! Where has the time gone?!?! I spent X-mas eve alone. Pretty depressing. I swear, all of the Hebrews were out of town. I rented some DVD's and picked up Oregano's and had a night to myself. It was pretty fun though. Christmas Day, I woke up and saw Meet the Fockers again with Brad and his family. It is sooo hillarious! I hate sequals, but this one was better than the first. We then went to my Godparents house, to find my Godfather parked in front of the couch watching a fireplace on TV and listening to Christmas Carrols. Gotta love those Jews who wish they could celebrate Christmas....I plea the fifth. Jordan, Brad, and I then drove all over this town in search for an open anything, and we found IHOP. IHOP kinda grosses me out, but it was ok. I then picked the parentals and brother up from the airport and brought them home and went with my mom to get food. Today, we had a big family hoopla at my cousin's house. A lot of my fam came in town from Texas, Cali, and Tucson. It was so fun to all be together. I love this time of year...after all, it's the most wonderful time of the year!!! Um...can't wait until Tuesday when Sex comes out...YES!!!!!!!!!! My birthday is one week from Thursday biatches, and Clay Aiken concert THIS Wednesday....HELL YES!

NYC HERE I COME BABY!

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 17:16:51 GMT

Ok, so tomorrow is the big day that I leave for New York and get to see Jason again! YAY! I'm so excited to see him...he gets me so much and we always have something to talk about. He's such a great guy...so why does he have to have a girlfriend? Whatever, he's an awsome buddy to have. It was so much fun last night because I went to the movies with Jordan and Tyler Pike. He's such a nice guy. We have not hung out since middle school, so it was really really fun! We went to Starbucks and then saw Oceans 12, which was long and sucky. Oh well, ya win some and ya lose some. It was just really cool to catch up. Ok, so the more I'm home (this happens everytime I come home) I never want to go back to Texas. I do think I'd be happier...now it's just U of A or ASU?!?! I want to rush here and be with my friends here. I'm just a happier person when I'm home. It's the little things I miss, such as watching Jillian dance at competitions. Jillian is my "sister" (her parents are my God parents) and she's grown up so much since I saw her back in August. I think I will end up coming home....I really do. I'm not even going to rush at SMU anymore. There's no point to it. The only thing is that at SMU, I will have a job before I graduate....guaranteed. I don't really know what to do, but if I move here, I'll be driving a beautiful brand new Audi TT Roadster convertable...how amazing =)
So the other dumb drama in my life, BOYS. So, I found this guy Anthony on facebook who I went to school with a long time ago. He used to be really fat and ugly, and he lost a lot of weight. We met Tuesday night, and he told me he wanted to see me again and kept talking to me and was telling me this, "Once we get past tonight, it will be easy because the first date is always the hardest, so next time it will be so easy for us." Then, he texted me telling me he liked me and put up an away message saying, "A guy's gotta get some sleep...but you can leave me a message or call if you want...hint hint =)"
That was exactly it...and then we hung out again, and he asked me to go see a movie w/ him and go for lunch. I said sure, and he asked if he could call me when he awoke the next day. He never called. Why do guys ask you out if they don't call you? It's sooo frustrating! I need to never talk to guys again, and become a lesbo. Just kidding. No, but guys totally screw me over. It's like, why act so interested if you aren't? Guys are fuckers!
I'll update after my visit to the Big Apple!!!!!!! NYC, HERE I COME BABY!!!!!

I heart AZ!

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 05:16:01 GMT

Gosh, I can't believe my massive lacking of updates! Ok, so here goes all....I'm in need of venting! First of all, I'm ABSOLUTELY addicted to this book called, "He's Just Not That Into You." Each and every girl on the face of this planet should read it. I've learned soooo much in such a short amount of time! I'm only on page 40, but I've only owned the book for 24 hours. It's sooo great to be home and done with finals. I have a feeling I'll be back in Arizona next year. I'm so much happier here. I really did want to go out of state and get the whole college experience, but everytime I come home, I ask myself why the hell I left. The answer is so clear....the boyfriend factor. Ladies, don't ever let your boyfriend influence you. Ok, I was not forced into it, but I could not imagine leaving him at the time. It's now time for me to live my own life with my own decisions. If I moved back, it would be the first decision I've made on my own completely with no1 else influencing me whatsoever. How amazing does that sound?!?! I guess the choice we make in life are a part of growing up. I mean, I got into SMU and went for a reason. I love this quote right now, and everytime I hear it, I think about breaking away and coming home:
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'till I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway...."
Oh how I love Miss Kelly Clarkson! Sometimes, a song can make all of your problems clearer. It really sucks because my love life has been very blah. I've dated a little since Chad, but even Chad did not compare to what I had. Isn't it scary to think that maybe I will never have that feeling for "him" (don't wanna say his name, although you all know who I'm talking about) again? That freaks me out. I remember I had a plan for myself. It was go to high school, have a boyfriend, fall in love, go to college together, and then get married. I look at it this way....my life is taking a minor detour right now =)
It's ok though, because I think I've grown up and learned a lot since we broke up. Again, it's all a part of life. I hope that 2005 has more ups than downs for me. I'm so thankful that I have LJ to vent to!

I'm finally back!

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:37:53 GMT

Holy shit! I have not updated in forever! I hope all of you CHS peeps are doing awsome! SMU is great! Ok...except for the fact that my Jeff lives upstairs, this guy Chad and I just broke up, and I have been in a cast. Jeff made up with me when he heard my uncle died, and was practically living in my room. Then, I met Chad, and he didn't want to be as close with me again. Chad is a Jew from Louisiana, with a major southern twang. We were together right away, met at Hillel. He was "falling in love with me" and then randomly dumped my sorry ass on Sunday night, and is doing weird things like making appointments with my therapist? I really liked him, but he's being a jerk now, and telling everyone he dumped me, although he's claiming he's not. He even called Jeff's roommate to make sure Jeff knew...low huh? Guys make me sick..except Jason! Ugh, I want him to dump his girl and marry me already..jk (sorta). It rains cats and f-ing dawgs here, and I slipped down some stairs going to breafast a few weeks ago, putting my arm in a bright pink cast. All b/c I "had" to have a belgain waffle that says SMU on it...they are good though. I have made some great friends already though. I spend most of my time with this girl Shea from Boulder, a girl Dani from Boca, and Kate from Boston. I think I need to watch my step, tell Chad to f himself, and take some me time. I miss my girls from back home. I used to be so glad that Jeff was here, but all he does now is drink...he was drunk when I talked to him Monday night. Give me a break...I feel bad for him. It's sooo hard to be friends though, and I guess this is his way of releasing his stress? He told me he misses me and he doesn't want a girlfriend for awhile b/c of me and won't date...ya I didn't do that. I hope everyone is doing GREAT! Hit me up when 'yall get a chance...yeehaw!

oy vey

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 01:07:21 GMT

well, i'm home again. i'm getting ready to go out with my friends for the last time for a few months. i never realized how hard goodbye is until it comes. i saw my uncle, and he's doing sooo much better. saying goodbye to him in a hospital was terribly hard. i couldn't even say goodbye to my aunt and cousin. i'm not in the mood to write too much, but i'm so tired and stressed from everything that i don't even know what i want right now. my mind isn't thinking clearly. hopefully tomorrow, my head will clear a lil.

Hurray for Coldstone!

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 06:56:52 GMT

I've really been slacking with the lack of updates! I've seriously had the craziest week of my life. I have to make a 911 flight out to San Diego tomorrow night. For those of you who know my Uncle Spyke, he's very ill all of the sudden while on vacation and my family is going to the hospital to see him....please, say a prayer for him. I love him so very much and I don't know what I'd do if anything happend to him.

On a lighter note, I've been packing like a mad woman all week so I could go and see him before school starts. I'm so excited because I got the most requested dorm...it's f-ing huge! And, I also got the roommate who I wanted! Yay me! Her name is Lauren Douville and she's from Kansas. Between her and my "Jewish girlie Jen" I'm set to start! I swear, I can't wait to get there! I'm going to see all of my friends for the last time for awhile on Monday night. I'm excited to all be together, but I'm going to miss them. When I was packing, I put tons of pix. of all of them together and in frames for my desk. It makes me sad to say goodbye, but I do have new friends to look forward to.

I have hardly gone out all week b/c I knew it was vital to pack, but tonight I went out with Elizabeth and Jordan to Oregano's (where else?!) and then we went to Coldstone. I had such a freaking craving for Cake Batter with Oreo and M&M's. It was def. not as good as Mootime's Honey Vanilla w/ grahm cracker, but it was still yummy. It was the perfect remedy to this disgusting summer heat. I also talked to Jason tonight. Ugh, why can't all boys be that amazing?! He is just the sweetest guy ever! To everyone who said that life does go on after Jeff, thank you and you were right. Just when you think your love life doesn't exist, you meet a "Jason". I can't wait to see him again. I'll probably cry happy tears! I'm such a dork! Well, it's getting kinda late, so I'm going to call it a night. I'll write before I leave for SMU!

Yay for summertime!

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 21:26:32 GMT

I'm finally home! Ok, I miss vacationing though! Let's re-cap...shall we? I left July 1st with my mom and Marissa, and we were in Coronado for a week. We celebrated the 4th of July with about 20 or so of my family members and had a big dinner and cooked a lot...so much I got really sick! My mom and I then headed off to Dallas for orientation, and it was so much fun! I met some really great people, and already got asked out on a date to go country line dancing! Yeehaw! I met this awsome girl named Lauren who will hopefully be my roommate. I also met a girl named Jenn from St. Louis and she's jewish too! We attracted eachother like magnets! Hahaha! I leave 2 weeks from today, and I'm so fricken excited! We then went back to Coronado for another week, and I spent a lot of time with my friend Camilla and Brittany Stein. It was a lot of fun! Then, the best part of all, THE MEXICAN RIVIERA CRUISE! We left Sunday the 18th out of SD, and I've gotta admit, I was not excited. I get sea sick so easily, and was afraid I wouldn't meet people. After spending some time on the ship and we took off, I still wasn't happy. I wanted to go back to Coronado and be on land and lay out on the beach. The first day was at sea, so my mom and I played BINGO and gambled most of the day. The first day off the ship was in Cabo, and I got my period that day. Could it have gotten any worse at the point? But then, we went to Mazatlan. Mazatlan was AWSOME! Cabo was nothing for me. We shopped a lot and hung out at Senior Frogs, where I started meeting people. There was a group of 20 college aged kids, but they were major drinkers. That was all they did, and didn't enjoy the cruise at all. But, I was desperate to hang out with people, so I got crazy at Senior Frogs with them. We had to be back at the ship by 5pm, so we decided to get into the hot tub. This is where fate comes in. There were four hot tubs on the ship, and my mom and I decided to go into one of the ones outside. I get in, and this guy sort of catches my eye. My mom starts talking to him, and I'm just being shy and sitting next to him. Eventually, I bring myself to ask him how old he is and what school he goes to, etc. He invites me to come sit next to him so we can actually talk. We spent over 2 hours in the hot tub talking. He's from NY but goes to school in PA. and a college called Lehigh. He's a senior and is 20 years old. He was so cool and sweet, and suggested that we hang out later because he was here with 28 family members (he's massive Italian) and no1 is his age and he's met no1 either. So, he comes over to my dinner table, and we hang out until 2 something in the morning. The next day, we arrive in Puerto Vallarta, and I went swimming with the dolphins. It was a GREAT experience! I met a really sweet girl my age named Jennifer from PA. also who hadn't met anyone. After that, my mom and I went to see Puerto Vallarta, and ran into Jason EVERYWHERE! We invited him to go on a sunset sail with us, and he did. We talked the whole time. Did I mention he has a girlfriend? That night though, he took me outside and told me that he really liked me and that I was the perfect girl for him. How sweet is that? I wasn't sure if I felt that way towards him, and I explained to him my whole Jeff situation and I told him I didn't want a boyfriend now and that I was still in love with someone else. He said he understood, but he wanted to tell me how he felt about me. We spent the next two days at sea on the boat....inseperable. We were together all of the time. I realized how much I did like him. He was just so nice and not a drinker, partier, or anything like that. We stayed up all night on the last night of the cruise together, laughing so hard we cried. My mom also met two guys who were hillarious who she partied with and I hung out with their son/nephew. When I had to say goodbye to Jason the next morning, I cried. He said, "Never forget, ok?" I smiled and shook my head while we hugged and I cried. I can't get him out of my head, and we've emailed and called eachother everyday now. I know he lives far, but I want to be with him. You meet people when you least expect it...that's for sure! I hope things will work out, but who knows. He was going to talk to his girlfriend, and let her know what went on. I told him he needed to decide what he wanted also. I needed to meet him so badly to realize that there is more to life than Jeff Johns. I've never experienced anything else, but now that I have, I know there is more out there. Speaking of Jeff, we talked today. It was so weird. We haven't spoken in over 2 months. I decided to call him, since he never wrote me back when I apologized in a letter to him. When he picked up his phone, it took me forever to say hello. He's left today for good. I was planning on calling him a few days before I left, but he wouldn't have been here then. Isn't that weird how I almost didn't call him today? We were both very nice, and agreed to talk when school starts to iron things out. I told him I had met someone, but I missed his friendship. We only talked for 10 min., and then he had to go. He was at the airport...so weird how that all worked out. God must have really wanted me to speak to him today huh? I wished him good luck and said, I only want the best for you and I'm so sorry for everything I did to hurt you. He apologized, and said the same. It was weird, but I hope so much that we can be friends again. He said he doesn't have a grudge on me, but I don't believe that. I told him I have a grudge on him, but I just want to sit down and talk civily to see what really went wrong. I still don't want to call him my "ex-best friend." That sounds so harsh. Well, if you're in town, call me b/c I leave Aug. 11th!!!

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 22:16:11 GMT

I can not wait to get out of town today. Jeff got home yesterday, and my heart has been racing because I'm worried I'll run into him somewhere and won't know what to do. I decided to send him the letter though. I can't call him, although I want to. I hope getting away will help with the pain that I'm dealing with. I had so much fun with my girlfriends at Pasta Brioni the other night, and I needed that so badly. It did make me realize how much I'm going to miss them though! I am so scared for the future right now. It seems that since Jeff left me, I've been so depressed. I've never felt this low in my life...ever. I don't know how to get over it, it's so weird. I don't think anything will make it better, unless everything was perfect between us again, which I know isn't happening anytime soon. I know I am the one who should pick up the phone. Anyone who told me to, "Have a nice life" I wouldn't expect to call me right away. I was such a bitch for saying that. Why did I do that? I know, I was angry. I have orientation next week, and I'm going there from Coronado. I had a dream last night that Jeff met some other girl. It was horrible. I'm sorry this is all about Jeff because I know if someone else is reading this, they are thinking..."Just get over him Lanae." In some ways, I wish it was that simple. He is the only person that I've ever loved. And we both said that even though we are so pissed and mad, we still care so much about eachother. Amy told me to just take the fact that he said "He'll always love me and never be over me" and smile about that. I guess she's right. I miss him so much though. And when you want to confide in your best friend, you can't because they are the ones that you're battling with. I've felt sick to my stomach all day knowing that he's in town...he's here and I could call him if I wanted to, but I'm so afraid. It's Jeff, and he is the best thing that ever happend to me. Oh God, please help me! Well everyone, I'm home on July 25, and hopefully I will be happier by then.

I turn back time and make you mine and find the way back to your heart

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 06:03:48 GMT

That is my favorite line in a song ever. I miss Jeff so much. It finally hit me....I'm alone. I wish I could take back so many of the horrible things that I said to him, and of course forget about the things he said to me. We were both so cruel to eachother. Right now, I'm listening to this CD I made when we went on the Magic Mountain trip and it was so cute...we both sat on the bus and cuddled in my blanket and listened to it and kissed. It has my favorite love songs on there. I keep seeing his face in my head. You would think taking down all of the pictures of him would help more than it has. I wrote him a really nice letter tonight, because I'm too afraid to call him. He gets home Wednesday night, and I just want to see him and cry in his arms and tell him how sorry I am and how in love with him I am (I want to do this, but I wont). For those of you who don't really know him know him, he is undescribable. Most people view him as this quiet, nice, shy kid. It was so cool to know that he was so different around me, and it was because of me. I was his first girlfriend, and he was my first boyfriend. I think it's so funny how people who don't know either of us, know that we've been together for what seems like forever. We met over 5 years ago, and I still remember the first time I saw him. What he was wearing, what he was doing...everything. And the first time in 8th grade when we went on our first date and held hands. The first time we held hands was 4 years exactly to the date earlier than the day that I was totally positive I had fallen in love with him. He took me to a country club, lunch, golfing, dinner, and saved us when I locked my keys in my trunk. Jeff always had the answer to everything. Even if we don't end up together, I think he is my soulmate, and anyone who knows either of us can testify to that. I don't really know what it's like to feel these feelings towards anyone else, I never let myself explore because for the last 5 years, it has been Jeff and only Jeff. And when I dated Aaron last year for that month and Jeff could barely talk to me, he later told me it was because he was jealous and didn't like me with Aaron. Well, that's all I needed to hear....a real man can admit he's jealous. How could he do this to me? He sat on the fucking phone and said to me, "I never knew I could feel this way about anyone and no matter where you decide to go to school next year, I'll make this relationship work between us because I can't lose you. I will be devistated if you don't go to SMU with me, but I want you to be where you can get the best education and if that is at SMU, than PLEASE come." Those were his EXACT fucking words. (Sorry for the cursing....frustration is coming out)I sat on the phone and cried for two hours because I didn't know what to do. I knew I wanted to still be together, but part of me wanted to experience life without seeing Jeff everyday, something I didn't know how to do. I am more social than he is. Opposites definitely attract. The first thing he said to me when we broke up was, "People break up and get back together and get married all of the time." Who says that when you're breaking up? He told me that he will always love me and never be over me, so maybe I should take that and "run". Why does love have to be so hard and painful? Jeff is/was the best thing that EVER has happend to me. We did EVERYTHING together, weird stuff too like go to Home Depot, take the SAT's and ACT's (He picked me up so we could get in the same room), and watch American Idol. You know a guy loves you when he'll watch that with you and has the time it's on memorized so he knows exactly not when to call you, and when it's safe to call after voting hours. How am I ever going to have anything like this ever again? I don't want to lose him. He told Jordan that "he can't lose me." I've never experienced a break-up before, and it sucks. My heart is so broken. I've lost the best thing in my life. He always knew how to make me life or smile. He'd always joke that I was going to leave him for Clay Aiken. But what was weird, is he'd always talk about our future. He'd say things like, "I wish I'd know that in 8 years, we'll still be together," and weird stuff like that. I'd be like, "We love eachother now, so live it up baby!" When it's your first for pretty much everything you've ever experienced in your life, it's so hard to get over, and I don't think I ever will fully be over him. If anyone can explain what is going on, please help. I'm so upset over this whole thing, I don't know what to do.

Today, this is how I feel...

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 23:18:36 GMT

"Without You"
(feat. Clay Aiken)

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said where you were going

There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken

Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that i could see
Who's to blame

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am i supposed to live my life?
Without you

Was I lost in you and me
To the point i couldn't see
That what we had was dying

Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying

I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories
But it's not enough

Without you, where do i belong?
Without you, how can i go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

I feel helpless and, oh, so all alone
Like I've never felt before
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember what it's like anymore

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

Oh baby where do I belong?
Please tell how can I go on?
Without you...

Damn teeth!

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 02:09:31 GMT

So, I got my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday and I've been in a shit load of pain lately! It isn't a bad diet thought...I've lost 5 pounds! Ok, so I'm excited though because I got a 'C' on my Psychology test! Yay Lanar!! Woohoo!! My summer is starting to finally pan out. I think after I go to San Diego, I'm gonna go and stay w/ my cousins in L.A. for a few days, then my cousin is going to come here with me, and then my mom and I are going to go back and go on a four day cruise with Sara and her mom! Then, we are hopefully going to stay with my other cousins for a couple of nights, and I really want to go to the Teen Choice Awards because my man is going to be there!! That would mean I'll get home Aug. 9th, and leave the 13th, which doesn't give me that much time to say bye bye, but I'll be home Oct. 9th or something like that. Mariss and I leave in 9 days for Cali!! YAY!!!!! Ok, everyone needs to watch Summerland tomorrow night! It is my new favorite show!!!!!

Is it time to get da hell out of the heat yet?

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 04:46:31 GMT

Ugh I hate this fricken weather....it tires me! I've had the same routine now for two weeks. Get up at 6:45 and go for a run, be at work by 8:00, then summer school from 12:00-2:00. I'm done with all of this shit two weeks from tomorrow....=) I've been such a "homebody" lately. I haven't really been in the mood to go out. Oh well, that's what summer is all about sometimes. I'm soooo excited to watch the season premiere of "Newlyweds" tonight. It's the little things in life that excite us the most! I'm scared I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday....AHHH! I hope everyone is having a nice summer!!!

Jump on the bandwagon because EVERYONE'S doing it!!

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 00:17:00 GMT

Word Count for naenae1686

1. i (229) 26. but (25) 51. now (17) 76. way (11)
2. and (170) 27. had (25) 52. jeff (17) 77. off (11)
3. to (150) 28. on (25) 53. after (17) 78. can't (11)
4. the (138) 29. w (24) 54. like (17) 79. were (11)
5. a (82) 30. have (24) 55. just (16) 80. people (11)
6. it (75) 31. school (24) 56. going (16) 81. can (11)
7. of (72) 32. at (24) 57. really (15) 82. mom (10)
8. my (63) 33. some (22) 58. not (14) 83. next (10)
9. that (61) 34. about (21) 59. our (14) 84. an (10)
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13. we (44) 38. do (20) 63. thing (13) 88. tomorrow (10)
14. you (42) 39. one (20) 64. together (13) 89. there (10)
15. i'm (38) 40. went (20) 65. been (13) 90. how (10)
16. is (38) 41. got (20) 66. last (13) 91. they (10)
17. in (36) 42. as (19) 67. by (12) 92. us (9)
18. me (35) 43. know (19) 68. are (12) 93. who (9)
19. all (31) 44. be (19) 69. he (12) 94. over (9)
20. this (28) 45. your (18) 70. him (12) 95. even (9)
21. everyone (28) 46. because (18) 71. fun (12) 96. feel (9)
22. up (26) 47. when (18) 72. i've (12) 97. new (9)
23. with (26) 48. time (18) 73. see (12) 98. need (9)
24. or (26) 49. today (18) 74. much (12) 99. cute (9)
25. then (26) 50. don't (18) 75. she (12) 100. class (9)